one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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