maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
