He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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