If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i scared a bird with my dick
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
