When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
nutella sex= disaster
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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