And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
