Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize