Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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