2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Randomize
