hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
