There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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