nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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