Just fell off a train. Bad.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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