I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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