I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
