bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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