The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
