Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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