2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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