you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
