she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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