I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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