once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
