The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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