He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
