Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
