nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
