who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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