Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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