We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
