I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
