My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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