Non-Jews are for practice
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
