Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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