my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
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