I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
