Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
