You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just cut my nipple shaving
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
