I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
