I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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