The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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