That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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