girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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