Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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