I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
