do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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