You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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