Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Are we still banned from the library?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
