i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
