smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize