The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
