i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
