I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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