Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
