my phone needs a breathalizer
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
