My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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