i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
