i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
