i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize