before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
worst night to have a conscience
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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