I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
