I will die if light touches me.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Randomize
