I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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