remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
