how can u be prego again
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
