I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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