every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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