my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
